Romance is risky for men. The right relationship can be the best thing that happens to a man, or the wrong one can ruin him. Ask any man who lost his shirt in family court or was trapped with an abusive woman because staying was easier than leaving. Good men need to manage romantic risk the way good investors manage monetary risk.
That’s especially true on college campuses, where the safest course for men may be to avoid dating classmates altogether. Examples of disastrous college romances are plentiful. Let’s start at Columbia University. Continue reading
“Hi Mark, I’m breathing!” Click.
That’s one of hundreds of voicemails Mark Nothdurft has received from his students over the years. This one is from Nick, a spirited young man with autism who has studied martial arts with Mark for more than a decade. Continue reading
Here’s a modern-day riddle. In a world where predators prey on weakness, why would anyone pretend to be gutless and fragile? Bad guys search for vulnerability in their victims. It makes no sense to paint a target on oneself by feigning weakness. Continue reading
Right now, as I very slowly type, I know several men who are looking for the women of their dreams. These are smart men. Men of kindness and character. Men who frequently leave me envious of their checking accounts, their intellect, their ability to dress well.
Maybe it’s because I’m a shrink, but I almost always know several great guys who are looking for great women. Continue reading
The great majority of us are on the wrong end of an abusive relationship. There is a hypersensitivity problem in our society, and it’s costing us time, money, and freedom. This problem deserves a name, so I’ll take the liberty of coining a new psychiatric term: Highly Offended Person (HOP). Continue reading
If you google the phrase where are all… the search engine will autofill the remainder with …the good men. I guess even robots know that good, relationship-ready men are elusive. Not non-existent. Elusive. There’s a big difference. Continue reading
It seems that men aren’t very popular these days. There are books o’plenty on the shortcomings and irrelevancy of men. There are songs, and websites, and fabricated stories about bad, bad men. We’re in the midst of a gender war, and men are squarely in the crosshairs of a few tetchy man-scolders. Continue reading
Over the years I’ve helped a lot of couples get their relationships back on track. I’ve also watched couples self-destruct despite my best efforts. The mind can’t help but notice patterns among the two groups. I think any experienced shrink can predict with some reliability which couples will last, which ones will drift apart, and which ones will eventually donate their life savings to divorce lawyers. Continue reading